I come from a long line of HOA antagonists, which is another reason why Bluff Park is a perfect fit for dissenters like me.

Every residence my dad has ever taken up has eventually developed into an arrangement of cars and projects scattered all about the yard. Had the idea of a homeowners association not deeply perturbed him, a preposterous notion given his inability to conceal the sentiment, his natural inclinations would have driven him from them anyway. Even the half-acre lot in the center of the Dadeville Metropolis, where I spent the bulk of my teenage life, was lined with automobiles that might roll but probably didn’t crank. Yet.

The only grumblings that I ever heard about were from officials of the political variety, particularly those ignorant or apathetic to my dad’s way of life, requesting that he adjust his pattern. Clean up. Tidy. Clear this junk out. Can I put my sign here instead?

I come from a long line of politico adversaries.

I don’t like being told what to do, and I certainly wouldn’t pay extra money for it. But even if I was driven to such insanity that resulted in my willingness to live in an HOA neighborhood, I have more of an affinity for neatness than my father, despite the nostalgia that comes from a jumbled up mess of a yard.

And here’s why: I’m nearly thirty-eight-years old with thirty-six years of lawn maintenance experience, and I don’t like to cut grass around… stuff.

I don’t know what type of grass I have. I know it’s green. There are lots of weeds mixed in, and it’s all thick. My push mower did the trick for years, but it caused flare ups in my innate grumpiness, so I went halvsies with Brian Daniel on a riding mower whose greatest achievements are a deck that’s zip-tied together and a grill that’s broken from pushing trampolines out of the way. Later on, Taylor Cook purchased a third of it, and he didn’t even accept my offer to allow for vehicle depreciation, so it felt like I profited.

I digress.

I cut circles in my front yard, and they have recently grabbed attention that I wasn’t seeking, but I feel the need to defend it. The obvious reason, one that everyone who’s ever cut knows, is that systematic lines of any kind look good, and few things in life offer instant gratification like our own artistically crafted formations laid down with sweat and effort.

The other reason, and perhaps the most important, is that Brian and I did not buy a zero-turn (because we aren’t trillionaires), and the turn radius on our Old Faithful leaves much to be desired. Therefore, circles. Come by and see them every other Saturday, weather and schedules permitting.

If your quick rebuttal is to suggest that I pay someone to mow my lawn… well, I could, but I won’t. I have four male offspring who will do it for free soon, there’s no HOA to tell me it isn’t perfect, and I come from a long line of do-it-yourselfers.